I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
