I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
