I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
