i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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