Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
