He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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