Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!