Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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