i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
