Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
