Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
