Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize