So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
