Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
