highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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