okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
