Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
