tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
