the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
