I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize