Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
