I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
