it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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