at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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