I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
