I hate your face
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
