toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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