Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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