He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
