dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
