3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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