I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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