He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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