An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize