do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
