thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize