I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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