This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
