Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
