i permit you to call me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
