Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
