someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
