i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
