Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
