i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
