there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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