i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
