Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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