Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
