I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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