i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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