I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
