im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
