my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
