my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
