i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
