I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will be naked everywhere
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
