im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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