I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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