lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
