When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
